I am my worst enemy!

Sometimes I wish things were just easier and that my brain wouldn’t think so much about stupid situations that it doesn’t need to be involved in but it somehow proceeds to get entangled into that and contemplate the ideas that surround it.   It’s really incredibly irritating that it feels the need to decipher situations like that.  I think somehow I need to be a little less stressed about things like that a little more open but somehow in someway my damn brain gets all worked up then it’s all over.  I then climb into this hole and think what I could do differently or what I could say differently in these situations.  I never really try to say the wrong thing but it just happens.  Sometimes I wish I could just flip a switch and make it all go away!  I hate the way my mind thinks and sometimes I even hate the way my heart feels.   Things are just easier when you do not care so maybe I should give that a try instead.  That feels better now maybe I can get some sleep!!


Dating thoughts

The worst thing about dating is dating! There are some days I think I am meant to be single forever.  As we grow older I think we keep adding to the walls we have already built up over the years.  I believe we get pickier and pickier on what we like even though we may not believe that we are but we definitely are doing just that.  For example I have been putting myself out there for about a year now as before that I was in a 6 month relationship and a couple months before that it was a 6 year relationship.  I know I have always been picky but I think its been worse as the older I get.  I think that all of this maybe getting in the way of me succeeding having a fulfilling relationship.  Then again maybe its better that I have these things built in.  That way I find the one that truly meant for me.

Sometimes I feel like Ted on How I Met Your Mother in which it almost seems virtually impossible to find the right one.  There are so many people in this world but by the time you factor out all the components of likes/dislikes, chemistry, and your personal likes you are left with only a handful.  This is almost the worst odds ever.  I mean does that figure even include if they live nearby you or even in driving distance?   Does it factor in if you get along with their family or if they get along with your family?  Also then baggage comes into play and you begin to discover its the worst odds you have ever seen!  I mean honestly all I want to do is find my soul-mate.  It shouldn’t be that hard right? Hahaha.  I just want to find that one person within meshes in perfectly with everything.  I guess this will be harder than what I think.

When I was young I never envisioned dating to be this hard or then again maybe it wasn’t.  I knew one thing that if we had common interests that I could date them.  Now it seems more complex and not as easy.

Backlog, stats and About Me


I would first like to welcome you to my blog!!  I am completely new to this whole thing but I feel as if I need to do this in order to get my thoughts off my chest.  It is kinda like a personal memoir or as most would put it a “diary.”  Although this is not a diary but rather reflection inward aka inflection on my own thoughts and feelings.  The reason that I am writing this is because with our world becoming increasingly active and self absorbed that we forget our friends sometimes at least I feel.  I feel as if I am forgotten by the weigh-side and often it seems as if no one wants to listen.  I know this is not the case but you see most of my friends are married or becoming married or in long term relationships as where I am not.  I have been in long term relationships with none of them coming to the point of marriage. 

Rundown on my stats:

I am 30 years old, single, with no kids at least that I know exist. Hahaha just kidding on the last part.  I don’t have any kids.  I have a great full time job and have quite a lot of promise to be promoted within time to anywhere within the US.  I work at a retail establishment that has 400 stores nationwide. I live on the western side of Iowa where Iowa, South Dakota, and Nebraska all come together.  I am a pretty good looking person as I am 5’10, 200 lbs, dark brown hair, and blue/green eyes as it depends on the day as they decide which color to be.  I have a sarcastic funny personality which I feel as if people that don’t know me mistake me for being an ass but I am not.  I am very much a foodie and will not pass up a chance to eat something even if it grosses me out.  I love anything with a engine on it but most of that love is in Motorcycles or Cars/Trucks.  I have had a passion for them since I was young and they still get my blood pumping.  I am an absolute lover of music although have only been to a handful of concerts.  I have the biggest obsession with Cologne in which I am up to 42 bottles right now and these are the bigger bottles at least 1.7oz but most are in the 3.0oz to 4oz mark.  I am a huge fan of movies and going to the theater to see a good flick.  I absolutely love the outdoors and all they have to offer.  I think the best season is fall and my favorite color is blue.  I think that this about sums it up although I have a fascination with almost everything. 

About Me:

I should tell you that I do not count a relationship an actual relationship until it has passed a month.  This may seem weird for people but I figure that if you can last a month its a real relationship.  That goes from the time we are boyfriend/girlfriend to that one month mark.  I have had 8 relationships ever pass this mark.  During these I have have had a lot of up and downs, dealt with depression, and became increasingly analytical of myself.  I very much so wear my heart on my sleeve and think about peoples thoughts and feelings.  Although I very rarely hold back any honest thoughts back.  Sometimes you just have to get them off your chest but I always feel bad about saying them and usually apologize for saying them.  With that all being said on to my first actual post.  Feel free to comment or message me with questions or comments.